SECRETS

I just needed to get them off my chest.
So here you are:

1) I am terrified of children.  I have no idea why. I guess my mind doesn't understand the concept of talking to someone who is smaller than me.

2) I have black combat boots. And i love them(: I have never worn them to school or any place that someone might recognize me. But someday i will and i will smile.

3) whenever my dad comes to visit, i dress like a goth. FULL  ON. Black makeup, concealer on my lips, hair over my eyes.  GOTH.  He thinks i am one. But i'm not.  I'm actually quite opposite. It is my way of rebelling. and i like being the bad girl for once. (this is also where my combat boots come in)

4) I make harry potter connections in my brain almost every day.

5) I'm obsessed with harry potter.

6) I fell in love with a boy once. or at least as close to love as you can get when you are 12....but i really thought i loved him. and some times i still think about him.

7) sometimes i gag at my own reflection. Not on purpose, it literally just happens.. is that normal? I'm a tad bit worried...

8) I hate being alone. not because i'm afraid of the emptiness but because when i'm alone i travel into my soul and  i'm afraid of my soul

9) I act like i'm 2 at home and 57 at school.

10) I have a crush on a boy this year, which i promised myself i wouldn't do.

11) I think i started the crimping fad at my school, even though i really didn't....

12) I also think i started the "dying your hair dark" fad.

13) I wish i really did start those fads...

14) I lie in seminary. a lot.

15) whenever i laugh at someone's joke.. its a fake laugh. NO MATTER WHAT. it really is never a genuine laugh....poop. i think i might have lost my real laugh....

16) i hate someone.

and this is my biggest secret:

17) i have a secret that isn't about me... but has affected me more than anything in my entire life.

So that's all.  I hope you liked stepping into my brain for a few minutes, or seconds, depends on how fast a reader you are(: have a beautiful day!

Pedestals.

There is a girl at my school. She's in the year below mine. I like her.

She is beautiful.

she cares about no one.

she wears glasses that are pink.

I could write a million things about her, but i don't know her.

and to be honest i don't want to.

would you like to know why? well i will tell you: I'm afraid.

I'm afraid that maybe she won't be what i imagined her to be.

Doesn't that always seem to happen in this silly world?

You put something on this high pedestal and it somehow finds a way to get torn down.

So for now, i will let my imagination amuse me.

I won't learn her name. 

I wont listen to the way she talks.

I wont even ask her what her favorite color might be.

I won't know her.

Because i like living in a world that doesn't exist.

And i like my pedestal.